Parenthood: A Boss Battle

adamblog By: Adam

Playing: Splinter Cell Blacklist (Wii U)   Watching: Flight of the Conchords    Listening to: Daft Punk

I’m going to be a first time father within the next 3 weeks. Gulp. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely happy, proud and excited. I want that little nerd to pop out TODAY. But there is certainly a part of my brain that is a bit concerned. Because being a dad is going to be the greatest Boss Battle that I have ever faced, and I’m not sure if I’ve leveled up enough yet.

This child is Sephiroth and I’m standing at the mouth of the Northern crater. He’s Metal Gear Rex activating in the depths of Shadow Moses. He’s every single ‘timer countdown until the whole place explodes‘ ending of every single Resident Evil game rolled into one… By the way, why the hell do they all end that same way?

You see, there’s a sense of immense tension as the birth approaches. Just like with those games, my gut is tightening up a little bit as I get closer and closer to the end of this pregnancy/game and I know it’s time for me to put everything I’ve mastered on the table. I’ve put a lot of hours into teaching kids and being a good role model by working in the education field for over ten years. I’ve amassed a huge stock of toys and cool gadgets to help me keep baby entertained. I’ve even practiced changing a diaper once or twice over the years, although admittedly that is probably my weak spot..

I’m hoping that my years of gaming perhaps provides a bit of insight into how best to deal with a fussy baby. You know how every game boss is all about finding those patterns or weak spots? Maybe it’ll be like a Contra battle and every time he fires off a turd into his diaper, his butt will turn into a glowing red orb!

Then I’ll know exactly what to do: Fire rockets at him while doing endless backflips… Yeah, I bet it will be like that.


But just in case he gets to be a little too much to handle, I know that I have the best co-op partner in the world. My wife is the most determined, focused, and dependable person I have ever met. For all of my jackass-ery she brings me back down to Earth and reminds me that I’m still living here, in the real world. She is the foundation of our family and she has been an inspiration throughout this whole experience. She has leveled up this family with grace and I love her for it.

So, as ‘A New Challenger Approaches‘ I know that we’ll be just fine as long as we remember one thing…

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start.

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