The following is my view of the current state of dumb people. My views are my own and do not reflect on the other Mega Dad… even though we generally think the same thing… so… yeah.
WHAT THE HELL?
This is a thought that pops in my head often as a consumer. Often times I see products, entertainment and media that are pitched to me, the consumer, and I just hang my head in shame because I live in a world where this crap is actually popular. It happens every time I see an advertisement for a Melissa McCarthy movie, it happens every time I hear Jay-Z rap and it happens every time I flip passed FOX News. Sometimes I just want to slap America.
The reason I bring this up is because over the last few weeks the video game industry has wound up and shoveled another helping of shit our way and people are lining up around the block to roll in it. Video games are something that I am obviously passionate about and I go to great lengths to defend their validity and importance, but sometimes I think we’re just suckers waiting to give our money away.
We’re going to start with Call of Duty Black Ops 3 (it’s on 3 now, right?). Another trailer for a series you could set your f****ng watch to, it’s so by-the-numbers. This series’ installments have become so indistinguishable from each other that you could probably switch out one for the other while I was off taking a dump and I wouldn’t notice when I got back. Even the choice of music for the trailer was lazy. Paint it Black, huh? Nobody’s done that before. Games featuring “Paint it Black” include: Tony Hawk, Conflict Vietnam, Twisted Metal Black, Rocksmith, … blah blah blah
Then we had the Guitar Hero Live setlist reveal this week just in case anyone was actually thinking of picking this up instead of Rock Band 4 this year. Because you know what’s cool? Less gameplay features, fewer songs and a shitty live action backdrop! This jaw-dropping setlist features a bunch of songs from earlier Guitar Hero games, some generic radio pop, and … wait for it… PAINT IT BLACK! Activision must have got a two-for-one deal on licensing that song.
And of course no rant about video game garbage would be complete without mentioning Assassin’s Creed which pumped out another trailer right on schedule for the next installment of a franchise that at last count has 4 installments due this year. Good. Lord. This franchise has gone from great, to boring, to mind-numbingly infuriating. Why do you people keep buying this?! WHY?! Do you even have the slightest comprehension of what you’re doing? Assassins’ Creed is the epitome of a franchise that refuses to evolve. The best part is that in addition to the trailer reveal, Ubisoft actually unveiled a GAMEPLAY DEMO, as if it’s changed at all in the last decade. But wait… There’s a grappling hook.
Honestly it’s crap like this that makes me legitimately think I’m living in some sort of lab test run by super evil robots and I just don’t know it. It’s like being in the freaking Truman Show! I know something’s up and I’m just not in on the joke. There’s no other explanation. So I’ll end by saying the same thing I say about Adam Sandler movies: If people keep paying for this crap they’re going to keep making it. If that’s where the market is at, then there’s nothing I can do about it except pop a blood vessel every time I hear Paint it Black. Sigh.
So, what kind of bullcrap gets under your collar? Are you tired of the methodical grinding of the same game every year? Are you tired of being exposed to Melissa McCarthy falling over every time you turn your TV on? Let us know in the comments below. There’s no judgement here. Now let’s all just hug.