Editorial by Adam Leonhardt: The Mega Dads have been a very vocal and progressive part of the video game industry for over 6 years now. That’s right, for over half a decade we as an organization have always made it clear we stand for equality, respectful representation and giving everyone a fair and measured voice in America. You know… all the controversial political stances. So when we heard that there was a list on a far right website keeping track of people within the video game industry who are Traitors to America for being … you know … not fucking racists, we were super-duper pissed off to find out we weren’t on it. Apparently we’re not cool enough to be on this ding-dongs hit list of respectable, well educated and healthy minded individuals.
So since we’re not invited to the party we decided the next best thing would be to publish our OWN list… of Traitors to Mega Dads. This is it, the ultimate shit list. If your name is on it, best watch yourself.
- Mr. Belvedere – Not sure where you get off being America’s butler and then just disappearing when we need you the most.
- Elmo – You’re a poor man’s Telly and you know it.
- Chris Harrison – We promoted The Bachelor with our bracket for an entire season and couldn’t even get a retweet. How many middle-aged video game podcasting dads promoted your show this year? I’ll give you a hint… you’re looking at it.
- Phil Spencer – You’re too nice and smart. I ain’t buying it.
- Alex Van Aiken – Young, good looking, talented, respectable cholesterol levels. Eat shit, hippy.
- Troy Baker – Enough with the hair. We get it. You have lots of it and you can do all sorts of sexy things with it.
- Adele – Are you trying to say we’re fat? Cause we hear you loud and clear.
- Erberts & Gerberts Sandwich Shop – It should be abundantly clear at this point why you’re on this list.
- Colonel Sanders – There’s no reason for a fried chicken restaurant to have a video gaming twitter account. Also you have over 100 times the followers as we do. And your mashed potatoes suck.
This list is a work in progress. We’re always on the look out for new enemies here at Mega Dads, who don’t think and act exactly like we do. So don’t think this is the last you’ll hear from us. Because if there’s anything civilized society has taught us, it’s that there’s no room for compromise OR inclusion.
Also, in case it’s not clear, this is a joke. It’s easy folks, don’t be a racist prick and make a running list of enemies just because they support equality and safe communities for our neighbors of color. It’s ok to just take a damn breath and let people be people sometimes. Have a nice day and don’t forget to smile.