My Generation: The PlayStation 5 Buyer’s Guide

The day has finally come. After months of anticipation and excitement, the follow up to one of the greatest video game consoles of all time is finally here and in your sweaty little hands. You have a launch line-up of incredible games that are only possible and can only exist because of the unprecedented power and technology of the PlayStation 5 (or you could play them on your PS4, that totally works too). You’ve returned the U-Haul needed to bring the PS5 home, but you’re not ready yet. No console launch day is complete without the following items that we’ve carefully curated to make sure that your special day goes off without a hitch. So grab your hazmat suit and prepare to venture back out into the apocalypse, you’ve got more shopping to do.

HD Camera ($59.99 Amazon.com)

To make the most out of your experience you’re going to want to first grab the new HD Camera for the PlayStation 5. You can use this new and improved camera for the latest version of Pla…. (wait… there’s no new VR?). Well, with this new camera you can use the original PlayStation VR to…(huh… you need the old camera for PSVR?). Well, with this new HD Camera for the PlayStation 5 you can…. take…. selfies?


DualSense Charging Station ($29.99 Amazon.com)

With titles such as Demons Souls and Miles Morales at launch, you’re going to have quite a bit of gaming to do this week. Thankfully you won’t have to worry about burning through AA batteries as once again the new DualSense controllers are fully rechargeable. This attractive charging station mimics the aesthetic of the PS5 design and will keep your gaming marathon going for hours on end. And if the DualSense is anything like the DualShock 4 controller, you’d better have an extra one on hand to switch out because that battery will probably last about 45 minutes before crapping out on you.


Media Remote ($29.99 Amazon.com)

Video game consoles aren’t just for gaming anymore! With media apps like Disney+, Apple TV, and Netflix at your disposal, you can take a break from the gaming to catch a movie or binge watch Stranger Things for the 9th time. And with this handy Media Remote you’ll be able to…. no….. sorry… We can’t do it. Who the hell buys a Media Remote for a game console?? Just use the damn controller like a normal human being!! Save the 30 bucks and spend it on Bugsnax for christ sake.


PlayStation 3 ($80.00 – $300.00 Ebay.com)

PlayStation has one of the most acclaimed and beloved catalog of titles in all of gaming. Over 20 years of history and incredible games from Twisted Metal to Syphon Filter. Unfortunately Sony doesn’t really give a shit about those old games so if you want to revisit those classics you’re going to have to find some other device to play them on. We recommend the original version of the PlayStation 3 which was fully backwards compatible with older generations of games. Just make sure you get an OG PS3 as it was about halfway through that generation that they decided they hated you and removed the feature.


Jumbo Pad of Word Puzzles ($9.39 Target.com)

Are you good with puzzles? Can you decipher complex codes hidden within word jumbles? Then you may be able to decipher what the hell the PlayStation PR folks are talking about! Do they believe in concrete console generations? Yes…. no… maybe….. sometimes? What about next gen upgrades? Sure! They have a great looking upgraded version of Marvel’s Spider-Man! But it isn’t free…. and you can’t get it by itself… you have to buy the $70 Miles Morales Ultimate Edition to get it…. but your saves won’t transfer. Oh shit, I’m starting to get a headache. Maybe you should brush up with this Jumbo Pad of Word Puzzles and then maybe it’ll start to make sense to you.


Brimnes Entertainment Center ($277.00 Ikea.com)

At nearly 16 inches high, the PlayStation 5 is no doubt the largest video game console of all time. it towers almost 4 inches taller than the Series X, and while that might not sound like a big difference, I’ve been told that every inch makes a big difference. Whether you intend to stand it upright or lay it on it’s side, it’s sure to create a problem with where to fit it. So we say f*#% it! Just buy a new entertainment center to fit the damn thing! This sleek choice from Ikea has a more open concept so you should be able to set it up next to your television if nothing else. And as an added bonus, you can pick up some delicious meatballs on your way out to eat as you try and figure out how the hell to put it together.


Stubbins God of War Plushies ($14.00 ea Amazon.com)

Let’s be real. Spider-Man: Miles Morales is dressed up DLC that you’ll finish in one sitting and nobody actually cares about Demon’s Souls. The game you really want to be playing is the sequel to God of War. Unfortunately you’ll be waiting a while before you get your hands of that one, but with a set of adorable plushies featuring everyone’s favorite dysfunctional family you can create the sequel of your dreams right there in your own living room. Maybe Kratos and Atreus team up with Barbie and G.I.Joe and go on an adventure together! The possibilities are endless.


2 comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: